Thinking out Loud

A Place FULL of Rants, Raves and general Nonsense...


Honesty = Dislike
Often online, people will post something and say “Leave a comment and tell me what you think?”
They ask, and encourage, you to leave comments BUT if you leave a comment that disagrees with them, that they don’t agree with or that may put them in a slightly bad light, they remove or delete it or even go that step further and unfriend you... even block you!
Why do people ask others to leave a comment if they don’t really want an honest opinion.
Maybe next time post something more accurate like “Leave a comment if you agree with me or if it will make me look good”
Or perhaps, don’t ask people to leave a comment at all!

Choices, Decisions and Actions 
You often see people online re-posting quotes and sayings etc most of the time its ones they relate to or feel strongly about… I myself am one of these people!... But I came across a particular quote the other day that kinda stuck with me and I thought, ‘well that’s not quite right’. The quote went something like this….

“Don’t justify your choices to others,
you don’t have to defend or explain your decisions to anyone,
its your life, live it without assistance.”

Sure, if you are young and single and have no worries about consequences then yeah, maybe this is reasonable; HOWEVER if you have a partner, are married or have a family... or have ANYONE in your life close to you, you DO have to justify and explain your choices, decisions and actions.

Every action has a re-action, or consequence, and if you have people in your life that mean something to you then every action you take or decision you make may effect them.
For example, my husband is a musician.
He is starting up a new band and wants to purchase a new drum kit. If he abides by the law of the “QUOTE” he would go into our savings, take out the money and buy himself a new drum kit.
Being OUR savings this would have effects on me and our future.
Sure he COULD do this, but he WOULDN’T do this as the outcome effects us both not just him.
 Which brings me to this, much more becoming quote

“Make your choices, decisions and actions based on values rather than personal gain.”

When Life gives you Lemons...
No body has it easy, everybody is 'riding the roller-coaster that is life' but there are some people who seem to think they are the only ones on the ride, that they are singularly bearing the weight of the world on their shoulders... and they love to share this with everyone.
However, in reality, everybody faces obstacles in life. EVERYBODY.
And its how we deal with these incidents that can defines us.

"Weak people talk and do not act, strong people act and keep quiet." - Eliphas Levi.

My brother dislocated his shoulder 3 times in the space of 2 years.
After the third time he opted to have surgery which would take up to 8months to completely heal.
At this time he was about to start his Chef Training so you could imagine how all this mighty work against him.
He could have easily given up, gone on ACC for 6-8 months while his shoulder healed and spent his time lounging about and playing x-box.
BUT my brother is strong and determined. He had 4 weeks off work and carried on into his Chef Training.
He pushed through; he choose not to let this 'obstacle' stand in his way and now he has a position as Head Chef.

My Partner had Back Surgery about a year before we met.
Although this surgery mended his back, he still gets re-occurring back pain every now and then.
We have been together twelve years and he has NEVER let this hold him back, he never complains or plays the victim by using his back pain to get out of work or responsibility's etc
He just gets on with it and always says 'it could be worse' - knowing first hand it could be!
I admire him tremendously for his positive attitude, independence and strength.

My mum will be 60 this year!
About seventeen or so years ago she had an accident and broke several bones in her foot to the point she had to have a metal plate, nuts and screws inserted into her foot so she could use it again.
She has had pain in her foot ever since but has never let this stop her living her life.
She could clam disability and spend her days napping and watching 'Soap Opera' on t.v ..... but she would see this as a waste of life!
In May of this year she had to have surgery to re-move a bone in her foot that had regrown wrong and was causing her major pain. Her foot will take a minimum of 6 months to heal. After 6 weeks she was back at work. She will be on painkillers for ALONG time, and I'm not talking everyday pain relief like paracetamol or Nurofen, but she doesn't say a word, she is just happy she can still use her foot!
She is a full time Chef, on her foot 8 hours a day and is 59 years old... to me, she is nothing less then inspiring!

Strong people don’t complain, they are to busy conquering their obstacles. 
Weak people have all the time in the world to complain they have already thrown in the towel.

Everything comes down to your mindset, and it is up to you to decide whether you want to change it or not.

The Little Things
I'm not really one who needs constant reassurance from my Partner.
I get it every day in little ways, weather it be an affectionate wink or cheeky slap on the butt!
Sometimes after a long day at work i will come home and there will be a little treat waiting for me from my Partner, maybe my favorite drink or a kinder surprise!
And, of course, it goes both ways, for example...
If we both start work at 9am i usually leave about 20mins before him so i make him coffee and toast and leave it by the bed for him.
We both work full time but sometimes i finish work an hour or so before him so i like to take the time to cook him a meal so when he arrives home from work dinner is ready and we can both sit and relax.
In weekends when I'm off and my Partner is working sometimes i will drop lunch into him. 
I find the little signs of affection and small efforts make a big difference and the little things my Partner does ALWAYS makes me smile. 

A Fine Line
Lately I’ve been hearing a lot of ‘reasons’ from people why they ‘can’t’ do something or get something done etc… after awhile you realize these are not reasons but excuses. They aren’t really looking to ‘make something happen’ or find a solution etc but instead of admitting this they justify to themselves with a ‘satisfactory’ reason for not doing something or getting something done.
There is a fine line between reasons, obstacles and excuses.
A reason or obstacle is something that blocks one's way or prevents or hinders progress.
If you REALLY want something, you will find a way around this.
If you don’t really want something, after time your “obstacle” becomes your excuse/reason/explanation given to justify not doing something or for release from an obligation.

Everybody has made an excuse for something at some point or another, including myself! Although an excuse or reason these days from me is usually followed by the honest, and lazy, “who am I kidding, I can’t be bothered!”

Bottom line:

Listen to Reason
There are some people who you just can't reason with, give your advice to or share 'constructive criticism' with. They regard all of this as 'negativity'.
But funny enough, quite often its those who call others 'negative' that are the first to turn around and complain about someone or something.
I personally find constructive criticism can be a wonderful thing, especially when it comes to anything creative. It can help you grow and move forward, edit and think about things in a different light and form new ideas etc
I'm always up for hearing peoples advice, after all advice is FREE!
It doesn't mean you HAVE to agree or take it on board,  but you never know what you might learn or the trouble you may save yourself from listening to someone rather then turning away and learning a lesson the painful, expensive or hard way.

Respect is Earned
Occasionally, respect is given straight off the gun, for example, you start a new job respect is generally given to your boss from the moment you walk through the door... although that doesn't mean that respect is kept... over time it may diminish (speaking from experience)
For the most part respect is earned.
If i think about the people i respect in my life one person comes to mind right away.
Recently i got to know my Brother In-law.
I have meet him many times but never spent enough time with him to really get to know him, his morals, his values etc until a few month ago.
He works a full time job and is a full time, single father with two boys under 5 years old and he hasn't had it easy by any means.
He could easily make excuses in life, with rightful justification, but he never does.
He could complain about being tired or not having enough time in a day, with rightful justification, but he never does.
He could 'coast through life on someone Else's dime', use his kids as a reason not to work or his situation as an excuse to live a 'lazy life', and again - with rightful justification, but he doesn't do that.

Instead of making an excuse, he finds a solution.
Instead of making an excuse, he makes an effort.
He works hard and he makes time for his kids, he does what he needs to do to give them a awesome life and those boys love him more then anything in the world... except for maybe trains *wink

This is someone who has more then earned my respect.

What people Say vs What people Hear
Unfortunately things like text messages, social media sites, messenger etc are all forms of communication that DO NOT have tones, expressions, volume and so on.
This often leads to people taking words out of context and hearing what they want to hear not what is actually being said… or written.
More unfortunately, even when conversations are had face to face some people still hear what they choose to hear, not what is being said and its ALWAYS negative things being heard…
Instead of LISTENING to advice they are HEARING instructions
Instead of LISTENING to an opinion they are HEARING criticism
Instead of LISTENING to caution they are HEARING hostility
If you only hear negativity in what people say you are only punishing yourself.
Instead of assuming and hearing the worst in someones words, take a moment to actually listen and think before you respond and you may save yourself some unnecessary angst.

True Love is Friendship Set on Fire
When I think about my partner i often smile to myself, when he winks at me I still get butterflies in my tummy and when I'm around him the world just disappears, I forget about work and day to day little life stresses, my mind switches off and I am content.
We have been together 11 years and in all honestly I can say I love him more with each year that we are together.
Neither one of us has stood still in life, we have both evolved and grown as people but we seem to have done this together in a way that complements each other.
We support each others hobbies and passions and since I started working full time it has created financial equality and allowed me to be-able to relate to his work ups and downs and understand the day to day ‘frustrations’ that can occur in the work place and it also allows us to share the load of any financial burdens that come our way which means less stress for the both of us.
Our relationship is honest, we disagree occasionally but we never fight/argue, we never raise our voices or upset one another, we communicate well. If something is troubling either of us we talk it out. We not only have a strong relationship but a sturdy friendship, this along with our communication I feel are OUR main strengths... HIS main strengths on the other hand… I will keep to myself for now *wink
“True love is Friendship set on Fire” 

Work with time, not against it
People seem to be repeatedly running late for things.
Whether it be for an appointment or a meeting or to catch the bus or the train, or even extreme cases were people miss their flights! (We have been watching a lot of ultimate airport Dubai lately...)
This is something that eludes me...
If you have or make an appointment its generally at least a day (usually more) before you make it; you always know in advance (not last minute) the date and time you must be there.
An acquaintance of mine is a prime example of this.
He is CONSTANTLY making appointments with people and ALWAYS leaving AFTER the set meeting time yet doing NOTHING prier to these appointments (except drinking tea). Then come a minute before the scheduled meeting he runs around like he has had no time to prepare... Like i said, people elude me.
Each morning i have work... at the same time (go figure).
I set my alarm for an hour before hand so i have PLENTY of time to completely wake up, shower, eat and even sit down for a coffee.
It only takes me 10mins (if that) to get to work so i aim to leave 15mins early allowing myself an extra 5mins so I'm not frantically rushing around last minute IF I'm running late.
I don't understand how hard that is, especially with something like work, school or catching the bus, where each and every day runs on the same 'time table'.
Okay, I do know there are exceptions - For example... If you drive; Traffic, Road works, Road Closures etc ...Having small children (who need to use the loo just as the bus arrives (true story) - and I'm not saying i myself have NEVER been late for anything! BUT, for the most part... people frequently running late eludes me.

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